I recently went looking through my Facebook stati looking for a specific one from several months ago and  ended up spending a couple of hours trawling through random articles I posted, funny status updates I made, and arguments I’ve gotten into over the past year. Rather than let them vanish into the ether (Facebook appears to delete your feed after three years), I present a selection of my favourite status updates over the past year, that you may be entertained, and they might be preserved.

This blogpost is in two parts, and the first part is available here.

  • Sarah McCulloch is down to her worn-at-very-specific-occasions clothes and consequently looks like she walked out of the seventeenth century.
  • Sarah McCulloch only noticed the snowfall from Facebook and not from, say, looking out the damn window.
  • Sarah McCulloch Sarah: “But see, you’re describing yourself as more proud when you hold ultra-left policies as opposed to centre-left policies. So clearly you see the ultra left as more correct than your own position. So are you not saying “that the leftist, ultra-left, ultimately organised anarchist is actually correct, but I’m personally choosing to define into the slightly wrong guys over here?” Robi: “…no” Jess: *dies laughing*
  • Sarah McCulloch Robi (after 15 minutes of explaining “right-wing communism”): “…and that’s why he’s of the semi-unorganised ultra-left!” Sarah: *dies laughing*
  • Sarah McCulloch is amused at reading an article on rising noise pollution and then realising an alarm has been going off the entire time she was reading it.
  • Sarah McCulloch has LOST THE SWEDE.
  • Sarah McCulloch doesn’t think her house has ever seen so many vegetables.
  • Sarah McCulloch Advantage of using debit card as cheese-cutter: Tasty sandwich. Disadvantage of using debit card as cheese-cutter – poverty as all good ATMS refuse to accept cheese-covered debit card. Fail.
  • Sarah McCulloch Jess: “Where are the scissors?” Sarah: “On the bathroom floor.” Jess: “Of course.”
  • Sarah McCulloch thinks a lot of romantic films would end a lot sooner and a great deal more happily if everyone concerned just went polyamorous. “Oh no, alas, alack, who do I choose?” “Both of us.” “Oh, right, cool. Yay!”
  • Sarah McCulloch OPENING SCENE: JESS walks into the bedroom of SARAH to say hello. Small talk follows. Ten minutes later. SARAH: “So, I think we need to plan our workshops for Spring conference.” JESS: “Let me fetch my diary.” They PLOT.
  • Sarah McCulloch “Sarah, do you think Kate Ryan’s hot?” “I don’t care what she looks like, she plays fucking good music that lifts up my soul. …if that is how you could describe europop.”
  • Sarah McCulloch Jess (on phone to SLC): “I have no idea what my password is”…”…or my secret answer”…”That was a lot of partners ago, I’m sorry, I have no idea.”
  • Sarah McCulloch did not engage in a sensible drug policy last night and drank more whiskey than she has in the rest of her life combined, and is now unsurprisingly paying for it.
  • Sarah McCulloch also has lesbians on the sofa and is equally as happy about the situation.
  • Sarah McCulloch is warm, and snuggly, and asl-
  • Sarah McCulloch Jess (from the stairs): “Where are the scissors?” Sarah (from the kitchen): “You’re sitting on them.” Jess (still on stairs): “Ah yes, thanks.”
  • Sarah McCulloch “When you call someone, essentially you suddenly materialise in their life, screaming, “ME ME! ME ME! IT’S ME! TALK TO ME!” The telephone was first invented at a time when you could readily purchase cocaine in any chemist. I think we can draw our own conclusions.”
  • Sarah McCulloch just got into a fight with Andi in which he managed to mangle both my glasses and my chair in such a way that they now both work better.
  • Sarah McCulloch had an argument with the freezer that night that removed the tops of two of her fingers and now has an unfortunate tendency of bleeding everywhere unexpectedly.
  • Sarah McCulloch has spent the past two weeks wondering why there was a towel in the bathroom that looked exactly like hers and just realised today that is *is* hers… *sighs*

Subscribe to SarahMcCulloch.com via Email! (or via RSS!)